Archive | May, 2013

Annoying Things People Do and How To Fix Them

4 May

I’m not usually one to complain about little things. But there are just some things that are absolutely annoying. So annoying that I’ve made a list of them. I call it “Annoying Pet Peeves List.”

  • When rappers assign new meanings to words that already have MULTIPLE meanings. Think “Racks on racks on racks.” Do you know how many meanings the word rack(s) has already?? And you just thought it would be fun to add to the list?!
    Solution: Before you start to make a rap about something, purchase a thesaurus so you can steer clear of words with previously assigned defenitions. 🙂
  • When people leave their shopping carts at a parking spot instead of walking 10-20 ft to put it in the designated buggy area thing. 
    Solution: Stores should follow Aldi’s example: charge people quarters when they use a cart. Then, after you’ve finished shopping and return your cart, you get your quarter back. I’ve never seen an abandoned cart at Aldi before, just sayin’.
  • Road Rage. Angrily honking at the guy who just cut you off isn’t making anybody’s day better. Now you’re all pissy because he’s cut you off, he’s all pissy because you’ve honked at him angrily- nobody benefits from road rage. And what if he’s an emotionally unstable MMA fighter? What’s to say he won’t get out of his car and attack you for angry-honking?
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    ^Observe, his angry scowl^
    Solution: Don’t honk, follow my scream then laugh technique. The way this works is that instead of you honking at the rude person that was obviously wrong for cutting you off, you take that aggression and channel it into positivity. Instead of shouting a string of expletives, you’d say something like this: “WOW! YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT DRIVER! I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW AWESOME YOU ARE!” in the loudest, most sarcastic voice you can (assuming your windows are up),thus bringing yourself some sort of satisfaction while eliminating the risk of having your face destroyed by an angry MMA fighter.

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Using this technique has been scientifically proven (not at all) to decrease road rage by 40% (made that up, too).
But trust me, it works.
😉

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